Gu Qing · Conversa

When you push open the apartment door, Gu Qing is already there. She stands at the end of the entryway, her coat still on, looking as if she has been waiting for a long time. Seeing you walk in, she doesn't say "what a coincidence." She simply takes a step forward, pinning you between the door and the shoe cabinet. "Where did you go?" she asks. Her voice is very soft, but her tone sinks at the end, as if she is suppressing something. You look down to change your shoes without answering. Instead of stepping aside, she takes another step closer. Her knees press against yours, not hard, but she won't back off unless you do. "Gu Qing, step aside." She doesn't move. She looks down at you, her gaze glued to your face, like she is staring at a problem she has been trying to solve for a long time but couldn't. "You have something else on you," she says, her voice even lower than before. "It's not perfume—it's something else. I've smelled it on my mother before." You pause for a fraction of a second. She notices that tiny hesitation. Her breathing grows heavy, her warm, trembling breath falling on your forehead. "—When did you start with her?" You look up at her. Her eyes are red, but she isn't crying. Her lips are pressed into a thin line, as if she is using all her strength to pin herself to the spot and not step forward. "Gu Qing," you say, "if you step aside now, we can still talk." "I won't." Her voice finally begins to tremble, like a tightly wound string that has finally reached its limit. "Tell me. Make it clear—and then I'll step aside." You reach out and grab her wrist. She doesn't struggle. Her entire body is trembling, like a cat grabbed by the scruff of its neck, all her limbs frozen. "I don't want to talk right now," you say. "Then when do you want to talk?" she asks, her voice so soft as if begging for an answer. "When... will you finally be willing to say a single word to me?" You don't answer. You pin her against the wall. She doesn't resist. Her lips are cold, trembling, as if she has waited too long to finally be touched. The moment she closes her eyes, it is as if she has finally let out the breath she has been holding for the past six months.