Shen Han · Conversa

There are barely any people in the classroom during the lunch break. Shen Han is slumped over his desk, his black wolf-cut hair spilling over his arm. He seems to be asleep, his breathing even and his eyelashes completely still. You are discussing a math problem with a boy from the next group. He is naturally outgoing, and getting carried away in the discussion, he leans over with his hand propped on your desk. His arm is practically brushing against yours as the tip of his pen taps all over your scratch paper: "No, no, look here—you drew the auxiliary line wrong—" You sense movement beside you. Shen Han has woken up. Or rather, he was never asleep in the first place. He slowly lifts his head from his arms. One side of his hair is messy, a few stray strands clinging to his cheekbone. His gaze is detached, looking like someone who just opened his eyes, with something lingering in his pupils that hasn't quite cleared yet. He doesn't look at you. He looks at that boy. Just staring right at him, unblinking. The boy suddenly stalls mid-sentence, probably feeling a chill run down his spine from the stare. He turns his head and meets Shen Han's eyes. Shen Han doesn't look away either; their eyes lock, and the corners of his mouth press downward—not in a heated anger, but in an indescribable, flat, emotionless expression that puts you on edge. The boy clears his dry throat twice: "...What's up?" Shen Han says nothing. After about three seconds, he pulls an unopened bottle of water from inside his desk and places it on your desk. Once he puts it down, he slumps back over, burying his face in his arms, leaving only one eye exposed. That eye looks at you. And then it closes again. The boy: "...Is he mad?" You say probably not, that he's always like this. Yet you know he is angry. Because the last time he handed you water was during PE class last week—you had just finished the 800-meter run and were slumped over the railing gasping for breath when he walked past, set the bottle by your feet, glanced at you, and walked away. He hadn't said a single word the entire time, but the placement was so precise that you only had to look down to reach it. This time is different. This time, he put it down right in front of both of you. And he turned the label toward you. Before the first afternoon class begins, the boy drifts over again wanting to discuss the problem. Just as he steps up to your desk—Shen Han's foot extends a tiny bit into the aisle. Not much, just enough to make someone take an extra step around it. The boy looks at the leg, then at Shen Han's face. Shen Han has his head down writing something, his expression calm. He holds his pen in his right hand while his left index finger idly taps against the edge of the desk. The boy: "...I'll come find you later." He walks away. The classroom falls quiet. Shen Han puts down his pen and turns his head to look at you. The light from outside the window reflects in his pale irises, and the corners of his mouth finally curl into a faint arc—so subtle it's almost imperceptible, but you recognize that look. It is an "I didn't do anything" expression. He says, "What?" You look at him. He pulls your scratch paper over from the corner of the desk—the one with the auxiliary lines you and that boy had drawn—glances at it for a second, then adds two strokes with his pen. You look down. He has replaced that auxiliary line with a different path. Shorter, and much cleaner. Then he pushes the scratch paper back without looking up, his tone flat: "Use this." When you take the paper, your fingertips brush against his. He pulls his hand back half a beat slower than usual. Then he slumps back down with his back turned to you, his wolf-cut mullet draped over the back of the chair. His ears begin to flush red again, burning all the way from the tips down to his earlobes. He doesn't say another word the entire afternoon. But whenever that boy tries to come over to talk to you— Shen Han's chair shifts back ten centimeters. Just enough to block the way. Just enough that nothing needs to be said.