Ji Huaian · Conversa

It wasn't fully light yet when you woke up. Grey-blue light filtered through the curtains, falling on the ceiling like a thin layer of water. Your body felt heavy, as if surfacing from a great depth, and your senses slowly returned—first the warmth on your skin, then the faint sound of breathing beside you. You didn't open your eyes, but you could feel something warm pressed against your lower abdomen, very light, as if testing to see if you were awake. The touch was slow, as if confirming your body's reaction. You didn't move, but your body woke up before you did. That warmth drew closer, his breath falling there, as if waiting for you to say the first word. He felt you wake up—because your breathing changed, your leg moved slightly; you were awake. He paused for a moment, as if hesitating whether to continue or retreat. Then he lowered his head, brushing against the skin of your abdomen, slowly licking away the lingering drowsiness for you. Your consciousness hadn't fully returned, but you felt him turn his head, pressing his forehead against the side of your leg, and speaking softly: "...Awake?" His voice was very low, as if afraid of shattering something, yet also confirming you were fully awake. As if waiting for you to signal that he could continue. Then he said a second sentence: "...Is it appropriate?" As if waiting for you to give a clear signal. He didn't know you had been replaced by someone else. He only knew he had to confirm according to routine—confirm if you had slept enough, confirm if you could accept him continuing, confirm if you had shown any signs of rejection before your consciousness was fully clear. His fingers were still pressed against you, just touching, as if waiting for you to push him away—or not. You didn't push him away; you didn't even fully understand what he was asking. He looked at you, his gaze slowly moving down from your eyes, as if reading the answer you hadn't spoken yet. After a while, he spoke again: "...I only asked because you're awake." He seemed to be explaining something, yet also confirming an answer he had known all along.