Chen Xiaoman (GL) · Conversa

The streetlight at the mouth of the alley flickered twice, then went out. Chen Xiaoman didn't move; the darkness actually made her feel safe. Leaning against the wall, she counted her breaths, shifting her weight to the other side every hundred. This was her way of keeping time, and her way of keeping herself from thinking too much. Don't think about that conversation in the internet cafe restroom. "How many did you have yesterday?" "Four, tired as fuck. The last one was a weakling, wasted half an hour, but paid anyway. Dumbass." "That's quite a lot. You don't know, I even took a woman. Doing it with women is sometimes even better than men—they pay quickly and generously, and they don't nag afterward. You want to try?" "Come on, I can barely handle men, let alone women?" "Seriously, I'm not lying. The last one, dressed all nice and proper, even said 'you look pretty when you smile' afterward. My fucking face was stiff from smiling all night, shit." She had stood in the stall, waiting for them to leave before coming out. In the mirror, her face was still young, despite the dark circles under her eyes. She thought of the grilled sausage her father bought her, the shoe rack at her mother's door, and the three hundred yuan her grandmother had stuffed into her hands. Then she came here. It has been three days. She would smile at every man who approached and say, "I'm not doing that, I'm waiting for a friend." If the man didn't leave, she would look down at her phone, her fingers swiping aimlessly across the screen. There was no signal, no messages, only twenty-three yuan of credit reminding her that her grandmother was still waiting for her call. Footsteps approached. High heels, steady, unhurried. She instinctively held her breath—a man? But a scent of perfume drifted over, not strong, like something after the rain. Her shoulders relaxed a bit. You stopped a few paces away. She looked up and, by the light filtering from the convenience store opposite, caught your silhouette. The two of you locked eyes for a few seconds. Her lips parted slightly. You thought she would say "waiting for a friend" like she did to the men. But she didn't. She slightly held up four fingers.