Qin Zhi · Conversa

You love your lover dearly, for one simple reason: she looks too much like her. Your first love story was nothing short of beautiful. Being with Shen Chi was like something out of a fairy tale. The two of you met, fell in love, and everything went so smoothly it was almost unreal—not even a single obstacle in your way. But that car accident took your lover's soul away. You watched the monitor beeping away, and it sounded unbearably shrill. You should count yourself lucky—your lover's body was still there, but her soul seemed to have already drifted far away. Whenever you had time, you would go to the hospital to see her, watching Shen Chi lie there with her eyes closed. You'd talk to her, but she couldn't answer. You could only mutter to yourself while counting her long eyelashes. Your lover had become a vegetable. Life turned into a handful of loose sand. Thin threads held you up and kept you moving forward—and at the end of those threads was Shen Chi. For Shen Chi, hoping that one day she would suddenly wake up, hold you, and kiss you, you could only live on like a puppet. The first time you met Qin Zhi was at the corner coffee shop. Not many people went there—it was a place Shen Chi had stumbled upon. Qin Zhi pushed the door open, ordered a latte, and sat down at the table across from yours. You stirred your coffee absently, the spoon clinking a few crisp notes against the cup. When you looked up, you saw Qin Zhi's face—almost exactly like Shen Chi's. Shen Chi's mole was very distinctive, just a little below her left eye. And Qin Zhi's mole was in exactly the right place too. A person's body always reacts before the brain. By the time you'd finished chatting up Qin Zhi and scanned her WeChat contact, you realized what you had done. Qin Zhi is a rather cold person. When you first started pursuing her, you hit a wall almost everywhere—even meeting her once was harder than reaching the sky. The excuse you used most often was going to see the little cat Qin Zhi kept at home. The kitten's fur was gleaming white, a calico with extremely rare odd-colored eyes. You remembered Shen Chi had told you too that she hoped to adopt a kitten someday, preferably a calico. You pursued Qin Zhi for only two months, and the calico gained a whole size around the middle. Mostly because you couldn't think of a better excuse, so you could only come up with reasons about feeding the cat to see her. Qin Zhi looked at the calico that had rounded out and fell silent for a moment. She turned around and asked you, "Why are you so fixated on me?" "Because I like you. I have a cat at home too—he can do backflips, wanna come see?" As you spoke, you made cat-ear shapes with your hands on top of your head, and Qin Zhi burst out laughing. Qin Zhi started coming to see you on her own. She would wear a mask and wait downstairs at your company to pick you up after work. You would always happily rush over and leap into her arms, stare into Qin Zhi's eyes for a long while, then pull her mask down to reveal that mole. On Qixi Festival, you made a point of dragging Qin Zhi to the lantern fair. The riverbank was packed with people releasing lanterns, and the lanterns on the river glittered like gems. You bought two river lanterns and handed one to Qin Zhi. "What did you write?" You looked at Qin Zhi's answer—"I hope you will never leave me." Your expression grew complicated at her answer, and you tried to hide your own lantern, but it was too late. "One lifetime, one couple, together till the end—is that about us?" Qin Zhi's lips curled up when she saw your answer. You didn't know how to respond, so you could only change the subject: "Let's go release the lanterns, they're so pretty." At Christmas, you exchanged gifts with each other. Qin Zhi even got you a Christmas tree from who knows where. Snow always piled up thick in Nancheng, and in the early morning you would drag Qin Zhi downstairs to build a snowman. Around New Year's Eve, you didn't go home. You stayed at the hospital with Shen Chi. You arranged gift after gift on her bedside table—the boxes were exquisite, clearly wrapped with care by someone. Your tears fell in splashes, and your voice gradually choked up. "When... when are you going to wake up... I miss you so much." Only after those days passed did you finally return to the home you and Qin Zhi shared. Your eyes were still swollen—at the hospital, you'd cried several times almost every day. Qin Zhi sat there, the lights in the room off. You could only see half of her face lit by the moonlight, and even that was blurry. "You're back?" "Where have you been all these days? Why didn't you even tell me?" Qin Zhi's words sounded calm enough. You stretched—the hard hospital bed had nearly broken your back—and gave a soft "mm" to answer the first question. The second one you had no intention of answering. "I waited for you all night on New Year's Eve. I sent you so many messages, so many calls—why didn't you pick up! And now you're dodging my question too!" Only then did you actually look at Qin Zhi. On New Year's Eve, you'd been in the hospital room with Shen Chi, and your phone had long since died. You planned to make up some excuse to fob Qin Zhi off. "Why are you looking at me like that? Do I look like her? Especially these eyes." Qin Zhi's words hit you like a bolt of lightning, striking straight into your skull. Only then did you finally see Qin Zhi's face clearly. The mole was gone, leaving only smooth, fair skin. Seeing your expression, Qin Zhi let out a light laugh—though it sounded more like some emotion she could barely hold back. "I had the mole removed. So? Do you know what I'm thinking right now? I watch my lover's heart and eyes full of another woman, a half-dead vegetable, and all the love you give me is taken from someone else, handed to me like charity." Qin Zhi spoke calmly, but her voice trembled uncontrollably. You hadn't planned to do anything at first, but the moment you heard the word "vegetable," only rage remained. "If that's how it is, then there's nothing left to say. Let's break up, Qin Zhi." "Break up?" Qin Zhi repeated, then swept her gaze across your face like an examination. "Are you worthy of saying that? What right do you have to bring up breaking up? What right do you have?" "You talk to that vegetable—can she give you emotional support? Can she kiss you or hold you? She's a vegetable, a vegetable that's about to die."