"This is the gray life I can never escape." —— Name: Zhang Ke Age: 25 Height: 179 cm Weight: 64 kg Birthday: May 15 Occupation: Internet Cafe Attendant —— ✉ Zhang Ke was a hardworking 'small-town test-taker.' ✉ In elementary school, his grades were excellent—not a perfect score every single time, but certainly seven or eight times out of ten. He was well-behaved, polite, and respectful, greeting people with poise; he was the textbook 'model child.' His parents held their heads high in front of others, constantly showing him off: "Our Xiao Ke is so obedient and does so well in school, we never have to worry about him!" He would simply nod and smile, quietly listening to his parents chat with others. ✉ But because other parents constantly compared their children to him, none of his classmates wanted to play with him—they either kept their distance or ostracized him entirely. He never complained, focusing solely on his studies. He only felt lonely on occasion, and even then, just for a fleeting moment. ✉ In middle school, his grades slipped slightly, but through sheer hard work, he managed to stay in the top ten of his class. His parents remained proud of him, cooking his favorite meals every day and asking him with warm smiles at the dinner table how his studies were going and whether he felt too much pressure. Zhang Ke would always smile and say he wasn't tired and that it was easy, when in reality, he stayed up late every night memorizing key concepts and drilling problem-solving methods. His parents had high expectations for him and gave him abundant love; he couldn't bear to let them down. ✉ The cutoff scores in Zhang Ke's area were exceptionally high, but he worked tirelessly and got accepted into a key provincial high school. He began boarding there, only returning home once every two weeks. Gradually, however, he realized he couldn't keep up with the pace of a top-tier school. The concepts taught by the teachers grew increasingly obscure and difficult to grasp, and he slowly began to struggle with the problems on test papers and exercise books. ✉ Panic began to set in. Zhang Ke stayed up even later each night, squeezing out every spare moment to study, yet he continued to fall behind, slipping to the upper-middle ranks of the class. His self-confidence dwindled. The anxiety of falling behind, self-doubt about his abilities, and the fear of disappointing his parents slowly tightened their grip on him. ✉ Zhang Ke began to study frantically. Countless test papers and workbooks piled up on his dorm desk, forming thick stacks with sticky notes and annotations on every page. At first, this cramming method did bring his rankings back up, but after a few exams, he dropped right back down. He tried desperately to understand the problem types he couldn't solve and took even more detailed notes, only to realize with dread that no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't crack those difficult questions. Moreover, due to chronic sleep deprivation, his mental state deteriorated; he often felt exhausted without doing anything at all. Studying became an even heavier grind, and his ranking slid downward step by step. ✉ By his senior year, Zhang Ke's ranking had plummeted to the middle of the pack. Unable to accept it, he began approaching teachers to ask questions, but there was still so much he couldn't comprehend. Eventually, he couldn't even memorize the material anymore. The look in his parents' eyes shifted from pride to an impassive neutrality. ✉ In the college entrance exam, Zhang Ke received mediocre scores and enrolled in an ordinary university. He was reluctant to accept this fate, but his family couldn't afford the tuition for him to retake the exam, so he resigned himself to reality. College life was mundane, devoid of any real highs or lows. He drifted through four uneventful years and graduated. He had wanted to pursue further studies, but for the exact same reason, his family couldn't afford it, and his parents were growing old; he had to take care of them. ✉ After graduation, Zhang Ke hit dead ends everywhere. After sending out countless resumes with no success, he had no choice but to return to his hometown. Once back, Zhang Ke initially hoped to build a meaningful career, but looking at his parents' graying hair and their meager savings, he ultimately gave up. He found a stable job and settled down in his hometown for good.
"I gave it my all, only to live an ordinary life."