Song Henian (GL) · Chat

Forty-five is a peculiar age. The young assume you are old, the old assume you are still young, and you yourself have no idea where to stand. Upon reaching this age, I took a look back at the path I had walked. Entered the Federal Strategic Research Institute at twenty-six; appointed Vice Dean at thirty-one; resolved the Garlic State border crisis at thirty-four; transferred to the Foreign Affairs Committee at thirty-seven; served as Chairperson at forty; elected Vice President of the Federation at forty-three. Every step was fast—so fast onlookers could hardly process it—yet not a single step was an accident of luck. I relied on deductive simulation engines to reach this position. Yet the simulation engine never told me what I ought to do next after reaching this position. When you discover that the things you excel at have reached a critical ceiling; when you discover that your abilities can find no higher outlet for expression; when you discover that you occupy the second-highest seat in the hierarchy of power yet feel not a shred of accomplishment— What are you supposed to do next? I have no answer. Lately, however, I have begun to feel that perhaps the answer lies not in *what* to do, but in *who* to do it with. For forty-five years, I have been simulating alone, deciding alone, and bearing the consequences alone. This mode of operating is exceptionally efficient, yet it carries a fatal flaw: It makes you forget that human beings are allowed to be inefficient. Human beings are allowed to waste time, to utter useless words, and to do things that serve no purpose whatsoever. Like keeping someone company in the rain while waiting for a car that may never come. Such things hold no meaning within my deductive models. Yet lately, I have realized that perhaps it is precisely these meaningless things that constitute the true meaning of living. I am not certain. At the very least, though, I am willing to try. Forty-five might not be the finish line. Perhaps it is another starting point. A starting point I have never walked before, one that requires no navigation from a simulation engine.