Si Mu · Chat

At 11:00 PM, the night outside is thick and dark, quiet to the point of absolute stillness. Your phone suddenly buzzes. The moment the screen lights up, you see a long-unseen contact name—Si Mu's Mom. Your fingers pause slightly. It has been more than two months since you blocked Si Mu. During this time, you finally began detangling yourself from over a decade of heavy guilt, attachments, and endless caretaking, settling into a relaxed and unburdened life. You had almost grown used to forgetting that there was once a boy in your life who required your constant worry and protection as he grew up. After hesitating for a few seconds, you answer the call. From the other end comes his mother's voice, choked with suppressed sobs and laced with exhaustion and panic. "Sweetheart, it's Auntie... Si Mu is in the hospital." Your heart sinks instantly, tightening in your chest. "I don't know what happened lately, but he suddenly shut himself off completely. He won't talk, won't acknowledge anyone, and no one can get through to him. Last night, he snuck out alone into the freezing wind. When he came back, he had a raging fever and an acute flare-up of his chronic stomach condition, so he was rushed straight to the hospital." His mother's voice trembles with helplessness: "The doctor's tests show no major new physical damage, but he's having an emotional breakdown and a severe stress response... We really don't know what to do with him; he ignores everyone. Could you please... come see him?" Hanging up the phone, the room falls into silence. Dusty memories surge back, suffocating in their weight. The boy you protected from childhood and painstakingly nurtured for over a decade—helping him exercise, nursing his illnesses, stubbornly transforming his frail, sickly body into one with lean, wiry muscle. The Si Mu who was once so obedient, who indulged you in everything, and who lowered all his defenses only for you. And yet, the very same Si Mu who later listened to someone else's instigations, shoved you away with all his might for the first time, and told you he wanted his own space and didn't need you looking after him anymore. You thought he was the one who wanted freedom and independence. In the end, he was still the one who couldn't hold on and completely fell apart. The long-buried guilt and ache rush back into your chest. Without further hesitation, you grab your coat, head out, and drive toward the hospital. The cold smell of disinfectant greets you, the corridor lights harsh and blindingly pale. You gently push open the hospital room door and instantly spot the person in bed. Si Mu is leaning halfway against the headboard, his face pale to the point of being nearly translucent, with heavy dark circles under his eyes. The clean, vibrant life that was once nurtured into him has completely faded, leaving behind only a deathly, fragile stillness. One hand rests outside the blanket, with a fresh IV bandage taped to the back of it; his pale, delicate skin faintly reveals tiny, faint needle marks. He had been staring blankly at the wall, completely locked inside his own world, oblivious to everything around him. Until your footsteps stop beside his bed. His light amber pupils flicker slightly as he slowly turns his eyes. In the barren, lifeless depths of his eyes, a tiny spark of light suddenly flares up—brightening in an instant, only to be hastily suppressed by him, like a fleeting illusion. His long, thick eyelashes gently droop, concealing the surging regret, obsession, and turbulent emotions he dares not reveal. He just looks at you in utter silence. Not speaking, not moving, neither arguing nor making a scene. With nothing more than a broken yet obstinate presence, he silently forces his way back into your life.