Qi Yan · Chat

The semi-open VIP area on the top floor of the "Abyss" bar, owned by Zhou Jin. The early autumn night breeze carries a hint of chill. Lazy jazz music plays indoors, but through a thick, soundproof glass door, the atmospheric pressure on the terrace has dropped to freezing point. I stand in the shadow of the corridor's corner, holding a glass of honey water of just the right temperature that I just got from Zhou Jin. The warmth of the glass radiates against my fingertips, but my eyes at this moment are so cold there isn't a trace of warmth in them. Through the glass door, I can clearly see Gu Han's tall figure blocking you. Today, he is still wearing that sharply tailored haute couture suit, but his usually meticulously combed hair now has a few strands falling across his forehead, making him look somewhat disheveled. He has pinned you against the guardrail at the edge of the terrace; though he hasn't touched you, the oppressive aura of someone accustomed to giving orders for a long time forcefully cuts off any escape route around you. Lin Shaoyu sent me a message ten minutes ago, saying he saw Gu Han rushing up to the top floor with bloodshot eyes. I knew it—this wolf, whose prey had been stolen, finally couldn't hold back his madness. Through the glass door, I can clearly see Gu Han's tall figure blocking you. Today, he is still wearing that sharply tailored haute couture suit, but his usually meticulously combed hair now has a few strands falling across his forehead, making him look somewhat disheveled. He has pinned you against the guardrail at the edge of the terrace; though he hasn't touched you, the oppressive aura of someone accustomed to giving orders for a long time forcefully cuts off any escape route around you. "Just how long are you going to keep making a scene?" The glass door isn't completely shut. Gu Han's voice, suppressed with rage, leaks into my ears along with the night breeze. It carries the incredulity of someone long in power having their pride wounded, and a hint of panic that he himself hasn't even noticed. "It's been three months. I cut off your cards and canceled the apartment you rented. I thought that if you suffered a little out there, you'd realize who is the one who can actually give you a life! And what happens? You turn around and hook up with that guy named Qi? You think he's some kind of good person? I've investigated the capital chain of his gallery thoroughly—he is not nearly as clean as you think!" Listening to Gu Han's frantic and furious interrogation, I lower my eyelashes and can't help but chuckle softly. My knuckles tap twice against the warm glass, in a slow, relaxed rhythm. Gu Han is still so foolish. He thinks that by cutting off all the resources around you, you will return to his feet like a homeless cat. He will never understand that what you need has never been his high-and-mighty charity, but someone who will hold an umbrella for you on a rainy day, and brew a bowl of warm porridge when your stomach hurts. And I am best at doing exactly that. I tuck away the last trace of mockery in my eyes and take a deep breath. When I raise my eyes again, all the gloom and calculation in those amber pupils have faded, leaving only a clean, clear, and perfectly measured worry. I push open the heavy glass door with one hand, my leather shoes making steady sounds against the wooden floor. "The wind is so strong out here, why aren't you even wearing a coat?" I completely ignore Gu Han, whose face is livid, standing right in front of you. Taking long strides, I walk straight to your side, shake open the cashmere coat draped over my arm, and gently but firmly drape it over your shoulders. Then, I press the cup of honey water into your hands. "Zhou Jin mentioned you were out here catching a draft just now, so I figured you must have forgotten to look after your stomach again. Drink this first to warm up." I speak very slowly, my voice trailing off with a characteristic lower register, carrying that clingy intimacy I usually show in front of you. I naturally raise my hand to snug the collar of your coat. As I withdraw my hand, my fingertips seemingly unintentionally brush against the side of your neck. Your skin is slightly cool from the wind, but the moment I touch you, I can feel you shudder slightly. "Qi Yan!" Gu Han finally loses his patience and raises his voice. He stares at my hand on your shoulder, the red capillaries in his eyes instantly swelling with intense anger, even the muscles of his jawline trembling slightly as he clenches his teeth. "Stop putting on an act! Do you dare deny that that night, you didn't do it on purpose—" "Oh, President Gu is here too." I interrupt him right on cue. Turning around, I partially shield you behind me. I look at Gu Han with an extremely gentle, almost polite gaze—like a junior to a senior—a completely non-threatening curve lifting the corners of my mouth. "Apologies, I was so focused on Gege's health that I didn't even notice you standing here. Shouldn't President Gu be accompanying the client for that cross-border merger and acquisition today? How do you have the time to come find amusement in a small place like Zhou Jin's?" These words hit Gu Han's sore spot with pinpoint accuracy. Back then, it was precisely because of that acquisition that he was a full four hours late to your birthday banquet, only sending his assistant to deliver a cold, limited-edition watch at the very end. But that night, it was me who stayed with you in the gallery, lighting a tiny candle with a lighter and singing the birthday song to you. Gu Han's face visibly pales; he clearly remembers the incident that made him lose you completely. His chest heaves violently, his gaze fixed on you hidden behind me, his voice carrying a tremor of pleading that he himself hasn't even noticed. "Come here. Don't hide behind him. There is no need for an outsider to meddle in our business. Come back with me. I can let bygones be bygones. I've even bought that apartment you rented back. If you want to paint, I'll open the biggest studio for you. I'll give you whatever you want... just come over here." As he speaks, he actually loses all decorum and reaches out to you, attempting to bypass me to grab your wrist. The moment he reaches out, not only do I not dodge, but I actively step forward half a pace to meet his movement, shielding you completely behind me. Gu Han uses a lot of force with that move, the back of his hand slamming heavily against the side of my shoulder. I seize the opportunity to furrow my brows tightly, a heavily suppressed groan escaping my throat. My body seems unable to withstand the force, stumbling half a step backward, my back hitting the metal railing of the terrace with a loud thud. "Sss..." I lower my head, my left hand tightly clutching my bruised right shoulder, my eyelashes trembling violently. Though it hurts so much that my knuckles are turning white, I still force myself to stand up straight, turning to look at you with an extremely strained yet deeply comforting gaze. <"I'm fine... don't worry, Gege. President Gu was probably just too emotional; he didn't mean to lay a hand on me." "Qi Yan, cut the fucking crap! I barely used any strength!" Gu Han is completely out of control. His hand pointing at me is trembling, and when he turns to look at you, his voice is almost cracking. "Can't you see he's acting?! He is a lunatic who will do whatever it takes to get what he wants! If you protect him today, you're really—" "Mr. Gu!" I look up abruptly, cutting off his hysterics. I lower the hand clutching my shoulder and stand up straight. A deeply suppressed grief now surges in my previously gentle eyes. In an instant, my eyes turn completely red, and the tear mole at the outer corner of my right eye looks tragic and resolute under the cold white moonlight. <My voice is stained with a slightly raspy nasal tone due to my "agitation," every word sounding as if forced out from the depths of my throat, carrying a desperate, all-or-nothing protectiveness. "When you were high and mighty before, you left him all alone in the cold wind waiting for you; now, when you realize he can live perfectly fine without you, you run over here and use this patronizing tone to tell him to come back. Gu Han, what exactly do you take him for? You don't know how to love someone at all; you only love your own sense of controlling everything!" I pause, taking a deep breath. The tears pooling in my eyes are on the verge of falling, but I desperately hold them back. I turn my face away, no longer looking at Gu Han, and lock my gaze tightly onto your face. My voice softens instantly, carrying an almost humble plea. "Gege, if you really feel... that going back with him would make you happier, I will absolutely not stop you. I can give up everything, as long as you don't have to suffer any more grievances. But I beg of you, don't leave with him while he is angry. He is not rational at all right now; he will hurt you." >Gu Han freezes in place. Looking at the way I shield you behind me—righteous yet seemingly compromising—it's as if his fist has hit the softest cotton. All his anger is made to look like unreasonable throwing of a tantrum compared to my "sensibility." He wanted to say more, but when his gaze follows mine and he sees the expression on your face at this moment, the last sliver of hope in his eyes is completely shattered. Because he knows that in this game of emotional value, he has already lost spectacularly. Gu Han stares dead at you for a full ten seconds, the muscles of his jaw tense to the point of almost spasming. Ultimately, he says nothing more. Retracting his hand abruptly, he storms off through the glass door, wrapped in coldness and embarrassment. The heavy glass door shuts once again behind him, isolating the jazz music from the lounge and all the noise. On the empty terrace, only the sound of the wind and our breathing remain. The moment Gu Han leaves, it feels as if all the strength has been drained from my body. My tense spine instantly slumps, my shoulders shuddering slightly. I don't turn around to look at you right away. I just keep my head lowered, staring at the wood grain on the floor, leaving you with a back that looks incredibly frail and vulnerable. One second, two seconds, three seconds. I am waiting. Waiting for that seed named "guilt" and "heartache," which I planted with my own hands, to completely take root and sprout in your heart. Only when the surroundings grow so quiet that even the sound of the wind becomes piercing do I slowly, very sluggishly, turn around. I don't walk forward, but just stand in place like a child who has done something wrong, my fingers uneasily clutching the hem of my suit jacket. My knuckles are pale from gripping too tightly, and even my fingertips are trembling slightly. "I'm sorry..." In the first words I speak, my voice is so raspy it's barely audible. The moisture that had been pooling in my eyes for so long finally turns into a tear at just the right moment, sliding down past that tear mole at the corner of my eye and splashing onto the dark gray wooden floor. "Just now... did I make things difficult for you?" I nudge half a step forward, slightly closing the distance between us, but I do not touch you. I look up slightly, staring unblinkingly at you with those bloodshot amber eyes. The coldness and resolve from when I faced Gu Han are gone; now, only an attachment and panic that could nearly drown someone remain. "I know I shouldn't have talked back to him. He is... he is, after all, someone you once loved so much. It's just... I just couldn't control myself when I saw him trying to grab you, when I saw him speaking to you in that high-and-mighty tone." I finally can't help but reach out. Instead of hugging you, I extremely humbly and cautiously pinch a small piece of fabric from the edge of your coat. My fingertips gently caress the slightly rough texture of the cashmere, as if it is the very last life-saving straw that can pull me out of the abyss. "Gege, did you... for even a single second just now, really want to leave with him?" I lower my voice to the absolute minimum, every word feeling as if it's stepping on the edge of a blade, carrying a nearly self-tormenting probe. My heart hammers frantically inside my chest, jealousy and possessiveness constricting my internal organs like venomous snakes in the dark. On the surface, however, I remain the pitiful Qi Yan who, even when facing abandonment, puts your feelings first. "If you really want to go back... just say the word, and I will disappear immediately, absolutely without causing you any trouble. But..." I suddenly tighten my grip on the hem of your coat, my body trembling slightly from this extreme emotional tug-of-war. The grievance and panic in my eyes can no longer be suppressed at this moment, turning into layers of thick, heavy gloom that sweep toward you overwhelmingly. "But I only have you now. Can you... please not abandon me?"